The worn out phrases female sex workers hear from men online on a daily basis

When I was a barista there was a point when I registered that I kept hearing the same shit over and over again. It was the person asking during peak time “Can you make it quick? I gotta catch my train to get to work soon.” It’s the “My coffee is too hot; My coffee is too cold; It’s you putting down a coffee on the counter shouting “Oat flat white!” and a woman asking: Oh, is it mine? No Karen, you ordered a decaf soy cappuccino with two sugars, what’s wrong with you? You will soon realise, all the clichés about us all being individuals with different complex minds are pretty much bullshit. Most people are not very original. Most people don’t have interesting minds. Most people are just sheep (no offence to sheep, I love you and you’re so cute.) Same goes for the sex worker industry. It’s the same shit over and over again. I think I stopped replying to these phrases after the first year. It’s like shouting into a void where no one can hear you. Especially since us women in the industry are dealing with men. Women usually mind their own business and very rarely have the need to bully sex workers behind the safety of their little screens. I picked some of my “favourite” ones that men are saying to me on a regular basis, and that I always see under other SWers posts:

“I'm sure your parents must be proud.” - Sir, I'm 30 years old. You might be a mama’s boy and only making decisions in your life that would please your mother but I am my own person. I moved out from my parents’ house and started making my decisions about my own life when I was 20. I do what I want, not what my parents want. If I did live by my parents’ wishes I would be married and have a 10 year old child with the first idiot I met. Men who make statements like this are probably still living with their parents and their mum is doing their dirty laundry. But I still highly doubt their daily decision making starts with the question: “What would mummy think, though?” I also highly doubt your parents would be proud of you for bullying people you wank over on the internet instead of going out there and getting a real girlfriend, that’s for sure.

“Sure, you’re making money and having fun now but what about when you’re older?” - These kinda people need to start practising yoga and meditation to learn how to live in the present moment. Do you think the dream of the barista that makes your daily coffee is to still be making your coffee when they are 50? But you wouldn’t ask them this inappropriate question, right? People change their career paths constantly. Lawyers decide they don’t want to be lawyers anymore and open flower shops instead. Actors decide they don’t wanna be doing Hollywood movies anymore and wanna start doing porn movies instead. Porn performers decide they don’t wanna perform anymore and they want to be a director instead. The world is full of possibilities, but you are so bored with your daily life you don’t even realise it. Four years ago I would have never thought I would be doing what I'm doing now, and look at me. Who the hell knows what’s gonna happen in another four years? Also I don’t think people realise how skilled sex workers must be to do their job and be successful at it. On the spot, we have to become web designers, models, marketers, social media specialists, photographers, directors, film makers and so much more. Unfortunately we don’t just spread our legs and get paid for it. There’s so much going on behind the scenes and you don’t even know it. Also there’s a massive misconception that a woman is not desirable after a certain age. The words mature, milf, cougar and granny are the most searchable words on pornhub. Also do you know Gillian Anderson? She is literally only getting hotter with age. Kim Cattrall aka Samantha Jones was 41 in season 1 of Sex And The City. And she played the hottest and the most sexual character. She also only got hotter as the seasons went by. I don’t know how about you but I personally plan to stay hot for the rest of my life.

“Your pussy must be so stretched out.” - Boy math is thinking a woman’s vagina will get loose if she sleeps with 50 different men, but it will stay tight if she sleeps with the same man 50 times. Again - men who say statements like this probably also think that we pee from the same hole. No wonder there are so many men out there who don’t even know where the clit is and just have simply no clue how to satisfy a woman, when this is their mindset. Franky this is very sad and I feel so sorry for any woman who will ever have sex with a man who would say something so stupid.

“No man will ever want your as a partner.” - The energy you put out there is what you attract back. That’s why I'm only attracting confident and open minded men who don’t care about shit like bodycounts and don’t just want a virgin. In the past four years of being a sex worker my job was never a problem with any man I dated. Most men find it hot, interesting and they only care whether it makes me happy. But also I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the fact that some men would not want to date a sex worker. I actually think in many ways it’s very understandable. Personally, as a vegan, I would never date a dairy farmer, slaughterhouse worker or a butcher. That doesn’t mean no one else would. Again making statements like this only screams insecurity and hate.

“You should shave; Landing strip would be better; Why are you fully shaved? Are you 12?” - Sir, I'm also not asking you what happened to the hair on your head, and why you’re bald, because that would be inappropriate. I don’t know what made you think my existence is about pleasing your own personal preferences. How about you telling this to your girlfriend? Oh wait, I forgot … You don’t have one.

“What are your future kids going to think?” - It’s 2024 and assuming that every woman wants to have kids is highly inappropriate. In fact I feel like a lot of people who started sex work out of choice rather than out of necessity don’t want kids. We just have a different mindset and different goals in life than having the normative lifestyle aka finish school, get a job, get married and breed. But of course there are lots of sex workers who do want kids and who have kids. It all comes down to having real conversations with your kids and educate them once they get to the appropriate age. Most parents with vanilla jobs don’t even talk about sex with their kids and then their kids learn about it from free porn they find on the internet. And no one tells them that what they are seeing is not how sex between two consenting adults usually looks like. Looking back, I would much prefer if my mom had gone out to work in porn or some other type of sex work, and then had come home happy and played with me, instead of catching up on her youth going partying with her friends and forgetting to pick me up from school. Every single kid needs love, care, and someone to be there for them. What mommy is doing to bring home money so she is able to take care of her family is a conversation for another day.

“You’re a slut/whore.” - Ehm, yes I am. That’s a very well known fact. Are you new here?

L. x