The controversy about Lily Phillips and Bonnie Blue

If you’re a sex worker or you watch porn, you probably heard of Lily Phillips and Bonnie Blue. Hell, even if you’re not familiar with the porn scene or you absolutely hate it and you feel like you need to go to confession every time you accidentally see a dirty clip, you’ve probably heard these two names. They are everywhere - on social media, podcasts, even news. There are not that many people who haven’t heard about that young girl who slept with over 100 men in a day and cried about it afterwards, or the girl who went straight away for 1000 men in one day. They of course get a lot of hate and even though the things they do are problematic in so many ways, why is no one really talking about the men who turn up to be part of these events? You can hate on Lily and Bonnie as much as you want, saying they are unworthy and no one will ever want them, but they are getting filthy rich as we speak. For them it’s work. Everything they do and everything they say and put up online is for publicity. They don’t care if people don’t like them, shame them, despise them. They are making so much money that if they wanted, they could retire soon and completely disappear from the public eye. And as always, society is going to forget about them very quickly and find something else to waste their energy on. But what are those men getting out of it? They are not getting paid. They are not becoming famous and gaining recognition. Most of them even wear a mask.

I’ll tell you the main difference between men and women. You will find thousands of men who will willingly and without pay line up to fuck one woman for a couple of minutes, but you WILL NEVER find thousands of women who would line up to fuck any man for free. Okay, perhaps there is one exception and that is Owen Grey since I know how many crazy female fans he has. (No wonder.) However - we’re women and there’s absolutely no chance that we would be okay with only having such a short encounter with someone we find hot and interesting. And the fact that Lily and Bonnie didn’t have to try too hard to find those men speaks a lot about men in general.

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It’s ironic that men are crying all over the internet about the male loneliness epidemic and how women now prefer to be alone rather than with some useless bloke, but then these men are the ones who line up for an event like this rather than getting an actual hobby to make themselves somehow interesting. From the videos it’s obvious that those men are usually unattractive, overweight, they most likely lack any sort of social skill and of course - they watch way too much porn. If you as a man struggle when it comes to approaching women and dating, there are lots of providers who could help you with intimacy, anxiety issues and show you what women truly enjoy. Hint - it is not endless pumping, pulling our hair and grabbing us by our neck without consent.

Now, let's talk about porn, shall we? I feel that since I watched the show The Deuce I'm mentioning it in every single blog post and I'm gonna do it again. In The Deuce you see how porn became a thing. It all started just either having a woman naked on a camera or two people having sex. Just the very basic stuff. But you know what happens when you watch too much porn? You get desensitised. Which is the case for everything really, not just porn. Just as you need to rest your body after exercise, you need to rest your brain from porn so you’d find the basic stuff, like two people kissing, still hot and arousing. But explain this to some men, huh? And so because two people fucking was no longer enough, they added an extra person. And another one. And another one. And soon dick in pussy wasn’t doing the trick and so female porn performers had to start inserting inanimate objects into their bodies. Somehow men find a cucumber or a hairbrush in pussy hot? Seriously? (a sign you need therapy) Unfortunately this is how the porn industry works and the majority of it is still made just for the male gaze. This means that that independent creators who want to be successful and get a recognition will have to keep pushing boundaries and doing crazy things that could put their physical and mental health at risk.

One of the biggest problems is that their approach gives all sex workers a bad name. The whole industry already gets enough hate. A few years ago you would think we were actually making progress in educating people about all the benefits that porn has and could have. Feminist porn and porn made for the female gaze started to be more popular and was showing porn in a completely different light. Porn with an actual storyline, beautifully made and with a focus on female pleasure and intimacy rather than just dick hitting a pussy at 20x speed. Playfulness, lots of touching and kissing and important talk about consent and mutual pleasure. There was a rise of couples creating their own porn and sharing their intimacy, an increase of interest in porn sites like Lustery, Erika Lust or more mainstream sites like Deeper. And of course, how could I not mention Four Chambers? No one mixes art with filth better than Vex Ashley. This is what should be hitting the headlines and be talked about in the news. But Bonnie and Lily go after the recognition rather than what’s morally right. We saw in the media how Bonnie Blue was persuading barely legal teenage boys to have sex with her on a camera. Which is predatory behaviour and if she was a man doing that to girls, she would not get away with it. Another thing that irritates me is how they indulge men in cheating on their wives and partners to come to their events. It’s clearly just a rage bait, yet it’s such a cheap shot. I’ve written a blog post in the past about men in a relationship seeing sex workers and you can read it HERE. I did mention there that personally I would rather find out that my partner seeked out a professional rather than having an affair, but if I found out that he went to an event full of other men to hit a hole for 3 minutes? I would be bloody disgusted and quite frankly I would start very seriously doubting my taste in men. Although those men definitely look like they think 69 is a great position and so there is no way I would actually date any of them. Intimacy is a human need and understandably people try to find it elsewhere if they are not getting it at home, but whatever happens at these events is far from a human need. I would like to say that none of us sex workers, who decided to stick to our morals and take our work very seriously, wanna steal anyone’s partner or mock other women for being cheated on.

Another thing that is worrying is how young Bonnie and Lily are. Especially Lily who’s only 23 years old. I'm always really thankful for the fact I got into sex work in my late twenties because I was a fucking baby when I was 23. I had no idea who I was or who I wanted to be. And yes, lots of people get into sex work when they turn 18, but not that many people get this amount of online recognition and hate. Not that many people are trying to break records and put their bodies under so much stress. Lots of their events are unprotected which to me is just something unimaginable. I don’t care if those men bring STI certificate. Those can easily be faked and no way I’d trust some bloke from the street who is willing to wait in a line to fuck me unprotected with hundreds of other men. Everyone’s health is at risk. Even amongst professional performers you’re never truly safe and outbreaks happen. I remember when Kenzie Anne talked on her Instagram about how she had to quit mainstream porn because she constantly had problems with her health.

What is sad is that Lily and Bonnie have such massive platforms yet they do absolutely nothing beneficial for the industry. They don’t talk about the laws that are making sex work unsafe, they are not part of any union, they simply don’t give a shit. They make their money and that’s all they care about. They don’t show any sort of personality on social media and it’s all about being a “cumslut" and a “horny nympho” and it works great for the less intelligent men. Unfortunately, those men then think that this is how women are in general and that’s why they have problems being successful with women in the real world. Lily also mentioned after her '100 men in one day’ that this is what being a prostitute is like. One in and one out, she said. She knows absolutely nothing about her own industry and it’s so frustrating seeing her spreading such misinformation. I doubt that even workers in brothels see 100 clients per day. Most of us prostitutes don’t even see more than 1-2 clients per day. It’s also far from one in and one out. We’re creating an authentic and intimate experience for each client because they are all so different and have different needs. It’s also not always just about sex. We do different activities with clients, we go for a meal, we have conversation about so many different topics and we create some wonderful long lasting relationships.

To finish this off I want to say that I of course have nothing against people who watch porn and see sex workers. I mean how could I? I myself absolutely love porn. However, watching too much of it is not good. If you’re a man and you are aroused when a woman advertises that her asshole is being destroyed by 50 other men, then you’re clearly overstimulated and you lost any sort of connection with the real world. This is also how men start getting into even more problematic porn like rape, bestiality and child pornography. Even though I watch porn quite often I make sure I can still easily cum only using my imagination, reading erotica and of course - during sex. Porn should be entertainment, never a necessity. A couple of years ago I had a client who couldn’t get hard unless he watched porn. There I was - a young, gorgeous naked woman right next to him, yet he had to watch a screen for his dick to be able to work. It was quite frankly pretty sad. If you’re with another person you can add porn to spice things up a bit, but don’t make it the main course.

Lily and Bonnie clearly make porn that is for the male gaze only. Women are visual creatures and for most of us, watching several overweight men wanking their noodle and desperately trying to get hard is not our cup of tea. The only reason Lily and Bonnie have such massive platforms is men. It’s men who financially support them and it’s men who go to their events. Don’t hate the players, hate the game.

L. x